I’m pro-chore. Even children (and childish adults) should, at a bare minimum, put away their own belongings and clean laundry.
But chore wheels suck, because they work against human nature.
Imagine if we went to work each Monday and spun a wheel to determine our job responsibilities for that week. How soon before we felt frazzled and unproductive? How soon before tasks were done poorly or skipped entirely?
Self-determination theory suggests that in order for a person to feel motivated at work they need to feel mastery, relatedness, and autonomy. Housework is no different.
Mastery:
We can’t master something without doing it repeatedly. If the chore we’re expected to do changes every week, we don’t get the chance to integrate that task into our routines, get really good at it, and complete it habitually and efficiently.
If we only do a task ¼ of the time, we’ll only be ¼ as good at it.
Relatedness:
We don’t feel like we’re relating well to the other members of the household if we think we’re the only ones pulling our weight.
We need to have the “fair distribution” conversation with the people we live with, and use transitions as a cue to revisit and refine. Talking about chores ensures that we’re aware of, and grateful for, each other’s contributions.
Autonomy:
We can’t feel autonomous if we don’t really have a say in our household tasks, and if our work is criticized by others. We all have personal preferences, standards, and neuroses, and chores should be divvied up with them in mind, not by the whims of a wheel.
I love managing money, having a freshly made bed, cooking to unwind in the evenings, and folding a basket of warm laundry while watching a movie, so I always do those tasks.
I virtually never wash dishes, clean the kitchen, make breakfast, take out the trash and recycling, or contact repair people unless my husband is out of town. He’s also the only reason our small army of houseplants survive.
We both have some chores we don’t love, but we got to choose them for ourselves. We’re both responsible for tidying our items before curfew, and we’ll tackle a task for each other when we’re busy or ill.
Our minimalist lifestyle means there’s less stuff to clean and tidy in the first place, but the main reason we’ve achieved egalitarian household harmony is clear, consistent ownership of tasks that give us a sense of mastery, autonomy, and relatedness.